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Zeta One

Year: 1973
Production Co: Tigon
Director: Michael Cort
Writer: Michael Cort
Cast: Dawn Addams, Yutte Stensgaard

If any kid under 30 say a trailer for this movie they'd assume it was from a forthcoming sequel to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's Grindhouse. It's chock full of the ropey acting, cheap costumes and locations, bad cuts, exploitative nudity, irascible dialogue and choppy story that characterises the genre nowadays.

A race of space Amazons are quietly coming to Earth and kidnapping young nymphettes to repopulate their dying planet, and it's up to superspy James Word to... do something or other. He's telling a blonde vixen the whole story in flashback after they play strip poker and shag, but throughout the story he doesn't do a real lot.

A portly villain wants to conquer the alien world and kidnaps some of the envoys of the nubile alien race to torture and interrogate for their secrets, while one of the victims kidnapped from Earth makes good an extremely easy and non-threatening escape from a world populated by supposed superwomen.

Thankfully they get to display their formidable powers during the big climatic battle when they arrive on Earth en masse to fight off a group of hunters chasing one of their kind for sport. To attack, the women only have to run up to the men through the forest wearing thong bikini things, pasties on their nipples and high heeled boots and move their hands suddenly. A shoddy stock sound effect of a 60s ray gun blast does the rest and the dastardly guy falls down, immobilised.

It's a laugh riot for all the wrong reasons, and as the best example of the genre I've seen, it's a uniquely terrible movie.

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