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Hollywood Hot Tubs

Year: 1984
Production Co: Hollytubs
Director: Chuck Vincent
Writer: Mark Borde/Craig Horrall

These straight to video sex romps from the early VHS era of such a distinctive register the only real element to talk about in them is the story, and they're not usually that interesting either.

In this case a young reprobate is banged up for vandalising the Hollywood sign (by covering up part of the o's to spell 'Hollyweed', a prank inspired by a true case from 1976), and he's given a choice – go to jail or take a summer job with his Uncle's plumbing company.

Of course the clientele are wealthy movie industry types with spa baths on their back decks overlooking the city, and they all fuck like minxes - and that goes double for poolboys and plumbers.

But, as is always the way with these synth rock-tinged VHS farces, somebody had to come up with a plot, and in this case it's a health spa trying to open up that needs maintenance and installation, culiminating in a big launch party.

The hero pairs up with the girl at work who swears she doesn't want relationships with coworkers. His male colleague – who you're never sure is the antagonist or the co-protagonist or whose motives are to depose the company and take over or just get in everyone's pants – gets together with the woman who owns the spa. Her daughter, who's also the ditzy secretary, totters and sashays around the house and spa rooms, all bouncing tits and the worst parody of a Valley Girl accent you've ever heard.

After all that, bizarre third act turns introduce the spa owner's biker brother and his gang who want to kill anyone who defiles his kid sister and a Bela Lugosi-inspired horror movie star who drives everywhere in a stretch limo with a spa bath in the back of it.

They all come together during the big night for what screenwriters Craig Horall and Mark Borde (who wrote shark thriller 47 Metres Down, out as I write this review 33 years later) obviously thought were hilarious hijinks.

But it was the era when the promise of boobs was enough to get a movie made, sold and watched, and you know everything there is to know about Hollywood Hot Tubs from the poster and video cover.

It's also notable because even though few movies of this style from this era enjoyed high budgets or Oscar-worthy filmmaking crafts, this one's cheaper than most. The production values and editing are indivisible from the porn films coming out of studios just over the hill at the time, and that's without even the overt and casual mysoginy, racism and homophobia kids all thought was funny back then.

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