Year: 2011
Studio: Lionsgate
Director: John Singleton
Writer: Shawn Christensen
Cast: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Maria Bello, Alfred Molina, Sigourney Weaver, Michael Nyqvist

Come back, Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker, all is forgiven.

Unofficial and secretive chatter I've heard among pro film writers is that Keanu Reeves isn't the sharpest tack in the box, a classic example of male beefcake – a guy who got his career completely based on his good looks but not blessed with brains and certainly not with acting talent.

If that's true, he has a worthy successor in Taylor Lautner. If dark, smoky, heavy-lidded eyes and flashing abs were talent he'd be Marlon Brando. Unfortunately acting requires some small measure of emoting through expression and speech, and Lautner's version of acting talent is like Marlon Brando's abs later in his life.

He's actually the perfect partner to John Singleton, the worst offender of an edgy independent filmmaker who started out with something to say but straight away bent over and unzipped his pants for The Man in a long string of studio-flavoured hack action thrillers.

I'm also sure this film was like cod liver oil for accomplished performers like Sigourney Weaver and Alfred Molina – they had a pool or house extensions to pay for and they knew they just had to hold their nose and swallow and pretty soon they could forget it ever happened.

Abdominal boy is a crazy, fun loving teen with a nice house, a loving mother and a father who's way too hard on his son in his attempt to make him into an indestructible fighting machine. He's also got the hots for the girl across the street whose eyebrows were so big they distracted me every time she was on the screen.

When he finds himself on a missing childrens' website and asks his parents what's going on, government goons promptly break in and kill them, but not before they tell him he's not really their son, he's the progeny of a superspy and has to go on the run to find out who he really is, with the huge eyebrows girl in tow.

The premise would have made an average if slightly thrilling movie but you just can't ignore the glaring flaws in dialogue and performance. Even Molina and Weaver look like they're in first rehearsals.

You can almost see the producers' meeting where someone said 'we need to get that werewolf kid out of Twilight in his own vehicle and we'll clean up. Get $40 out of petty cash and send it to some bozo to write a script, then make sure they don't do more than two takes of every shot.'

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