Shark Night 3D

Year: 2012
Production Co: Incentive Filmed Entertainment
Director: David R Ellis
Writer: Will Hayes/Jesse Studenberg
Cast: Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan

Don't tell me you watched this movie expecting any quality? I sure didn't. I expected a lot of shots of bikinis, bad CGI sharks, plot twists telegraphed from a mile away (keep your eyes on the kindly sheriff) and a hundred other tropes the screenwriter got after watching every terrible horror movie in history.

In hindsight I think most of the USP of this film would have been the 3D, which might have given some of the jump scares (I use the term 'scares' very loosely) a bit more kick, because on video there wasn't anything to lift this above the sort of SyFy channel, Corman-esque schlock you expect.

A group of Horny Party-Going Teens™ go to a house beside a lake for a weekend of booze, boobs and fun while the Shy Hero™ pines for the Nice Heroine™ from afar. As soon as they get in the water, however, a nasty surprise awaits them in the form of a shark that rips their waveboard-riding friend's arm off.

As they try to get help or get him off the island to get him to the nearest hospital, things go from bad to worse as the redneck locals and further attacks impede them at every turns and further deplete their numbers. There's a conspiracy, you see, that's wrapped up in another tired YouTube is the new media allegory but about which you won't care a jot after you've seen some sideboob and blood.

As one critic online put it, it's a perfectly dumb party movie, but you probably won't care.

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