Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

Year: 2002
Production Co: Nu Image Films
Director: David Worth
Writer: Scott Devine
Cast: John Barrowman, Jenny McShane

Yes, I only watched this film for one line. If you don't know what that line is, you don't know enough about trashy movies – in its own way it's at least a famous as 'I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfuckin' plane!'

But you can also enjoy it for some of the worst dialogue, acting, directing, script, editing and absolutely worst shark attack scenes you've ever seen. Like a modern Plan 9 From Outer Space, there isn't a single competent craft on display here.

Watch when the boring, generic hero Ben (Barrowman) and his bozo Mexican colleague Esai make some stupid joke about each other ('come on, get in the boat, man') it cuts from one laughing to the other laughing... and then cuts between them both laughing a few more times like a film school class on how not to edit. Remember the parody scene in Austin Powers when Dr Evil and all his minions laugh evilly at their plan before it trails off and they all stand there wondering what to do next?

In the wake of Tommy Wisea's The Room, I'm actually still skeptical anyone could make anything this bad unless it was intentional. With the creepy Wiseau now a cult figure, I wouldn't be surprised if more filmmakers were doing things like this on purpose. It's a very, very very bad take on what was already a badly overcooked genre stuffed with turkeys, so it's almost as if some very smart filmmakers and deceptively brilliant actors knew this was the only way to stand out. The immortal line that closes the second act is enough to make you think the tawdry actors playing pat characters who spout woeful dialogue (including at-times explosive profanity that's completely out of place) is all an attempt at small screen immortality.

In fact it's so good at being 'so bad it's good' it's nearly taken it too far, bordering on unwatchable. The only reason I kept it playing was for The Line, and by that stage it was so close to the end (and I'd seen the hilarious clips of that on YouTube) I knew I didn't have long to go. For the love of God, watch it surrounded by cheap hamburgers and drunk or stoned friends.

A shark terrorises a Mexican beach resort, heroic beach patrol guy, beautiful ichthyologist, hard-bitten mentor, evil corporate honcho, etc etc. A shark has been attacking an undersea data cable the company has a lot riding on, so they've ben covering up the workers who've been killed there. Because you know, sharks are attracted to electricity...

But as the title suggests, the abnormally huge shark they track down and hunt that's been biting the cable is only the baby. When its mommy shows up and it's big enough for you to ride a jet ski right into its mouth (using the same stock clip footage from an earlier attack), you know things just went from bad to worse (movie).

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