Reach Me

Year: 2014
Production Co: Seraphim Films
Director: John Herzfeld
Writer: John Herzfeld
Cast: Lauren Cohan, Kyra Sedgwick, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Sizemore, Kelsey Grammer, Terry Crews, Cary Elwes, Thomas Jane, Danny Aiello, Danny Treho, Ryan Kwanten, Sally Kellerman

I spent most of the time watching this movie trying to think of a film that's this ineffective with such a similarly recognisable cast. I don't think there is one. Names including Sylvester Stallone, Danny Trejo, Danny Aiello, Kelsey Grammer, Tom Berenger, Lauren Cohan (The Walking Dead) and Ryan Kwanten all show up and the thing's still an incoherent mess.

I managed to get all the way through it so I wouldn't describe it as boring – it comes close but there's enough in it to make you think something's going to happen. You just feel cheated at the end when nothing has – it's nonsensical, tonally uneven and narratively pointless.

A mysterious and anonymous man writes a self help book that millions claim is a miracle cure for any psychological problem and he becomes a folk hero. An ex convict (Kyra Sedgwick), her hot actress daughter, a policeman who can't stop killing bad guys (Thomas Jane), the priest who's sick of hearing his excuses (Danny Aiello), the website journalist sent on a mission to find the author, his take no prisoners boss (Stallone) and seemingly a dozen other characters all come into each others' orbits in pursuit of the guy.

Although the movie was obviously meant to be a modern fable about lives crossing and colliding, you spent the whole time wondering why you should care about any of them. It has the dubious distinction of a zero percent score on Rotten Tomatoes, and if you endure the whole thing you'll understand why.

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