Night of the Demons

Year: 2009
Production Co: Cold Fusion Media Group
Director: Adam Gierasch
Writer: Adam Gierasch/Jace Andersen
Cast: Shannon Elizabeth, Diora Baird, Edward Furlong, Linnea Quigley

The first mistake I made was not realising this was actually the remake of the late 80s classic, and the second was not turning it off when I did realise. As of writing this, I still haven't tracked the original down, but I need to as soon as possible to wash away the memories of this skidmark.

Maybe that's unfair – the original probably isn't a heartbreaking work of staggering genius either, but it has a cult following for a reason, and this movie never will.

I gather the premise is the same – a bunch of horny kids hold a hedonistic party in an abandoned mansion where the ghosts of a group of murder victims are waiting to latch onto the living, real demons released into their midst to cause carnage amid the debauchery.

Names I recognised (Shannon Elizabeth, Diora Baird) are barely better than amateur hour. There's better acting in porn movies. That's what I kept shaking my head and repeating to myself as I watched the set-up. Elizabeth is Angela, the owner/squatter who charges entry for parties in the run down Broussard mansion, where a series of occult-related deaths took place decades before. Trading on the gruesome history, she's throwing a legendary Halloween bash which will be attended by various fodder for the ultimate meat grinder the movie will turn into.

Among the partygoers holed up when the creatures roll in is Baird, her friend who also dressed up as a slutty cat, the guy she holds a torch for and who's body is overtaken by demons at the worst possible time, and yes, that is a thirtysomething, heavyset Edward Furlong, the kid from The Terminator 2: Judgement Day, as a drug dealer with heat coming down on him if he doesn't sell his stash that night.

I had to read a description of the plot to remind myself about how they find the hidden room filled with the skeletal remains of the Broussard victims, how one of them comes alive and bites Angela on the hand to infect her with demon juju, how Furlong's character hides his drugs behind a grate because the cops show up to bust the party up, how Angela's door bitch makes off with the take, and almost everything else.

When the file playback went wrong as the third act started (everyone realising what's gone wrong, a possessed Angela stalking them throughout the house, several of them already dead), I didn't have any regrets. The first hour had featured the delectable Diora Baird having doggy style sex in a tight leather dress, and I'm sure I used what would have been the last 20 minutes of the running time doing something much more constructive and worthwhile. Maybe by absent mindedly throwing playing cards across a room or slamming my testicles in a door.

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