I think I watched this because the trailer had a ton of action. Unfortunately, the trailer had almost all the action in the movie, and there wasn't enough else there other than a bickering bromance comedy (think Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson) to hold the rest of it aloft. It's fast moving so you don't really have the chance to stop and realise how stupid it all is, and it's indeed all stupid.

An introductory coda shows secret agent Noel (Priyanka Chopra-Jonas) lose her team during that big tomato fight festival they have in that pretty medieval town in Italy, the drug dealer they're trying to catch, Viktor (a very miscast Paddy Considine), turning the tables on them and leaving her for dead.

Then it's onto the photogenic new US President, former action movie star Will (John Cena), who the people love but who UK Prime Minister Sam (Idris Elba) considers a blowhard more interested in having people like him than governing. Will is in the UK to meet his military veteran and beleaguered counterpart, and the press conference reveals to the world what their inner circle are already struggling with – their relationship is going to be love hate, a cross-Atlantic Odd Couple.

Their handlers suggest a quick trip together on Air Force One to a European event in order to present a united front to the world, to which Sam reluctantly agrees. But the drug lord Noel was tracking in Italy has a much bigger plan, and the President's plane is attacked in midair. The British and American secret services desperately trying to protect their leaders, but Viktor's people are too well organised and the pair are bundled into parachutes and thrown off before they die along with everyone else.

They land, scarred but unhurt, in very politically unfriendly Belarus, which (in the first ridiculous plot contrivance) means nobody can come to pick them up. They instead have to hike through miles of forest to a nearby town and a CIA safe house where they can hide until the cavalry comes.

But when Viktor's people realise the pair are alive, they're constantly one step behind, the safe house location compromised and Will and Sam having to fight their way out.

Alone and on the streets again, Noel shows up, having survived the opening attack and tracked the pair so she can swoop in and get them to safety, revealing a past romantic involvement with Noel that gives him just enough backstory as fill-in for why he resists Will's puppy dog appeal so much.

They then have to fight, shoot, drive and niggle their way across Europe to reach another summit where the imminent breakdown of the NATO treaty is imminent in time (part of the big bad master plan) to save the day... you get the idea.

It's incredibly violent but there's a conspicuous absence of blood, an obvious measure to attract a PG audience even though it was made by a streamer, a sense of kinetic movement and a few wry giggles, but absolutely nothing deeper than the paper-thin surface.